venting….
Maybe I’m just…a crazy person, but lately it’s been running through my head that I’m possibly, most likely, never going to be good enough for anyone. I’m starting to believe that relationships and romantic intimacy isn’t something that I could ever have. It’s just some reflections I’ve been of course…reflecting, and the conclusions I’ve drawn are, well…..depressing.
With summer approaching, I got to thinking about last summer, and how much of a new experience that was for me. I became, sort of romantically involved with someone, and it was one of the toughest things for me to do. I’m not one to usually close up all the time, but when it comes to that….4-letter word, I just never find myself running towards it. Last summer…I almost imagined myself being happily involved with someone, in that way! It’s amazing that it even got as far as it did. Usually I shut down quickly if even the thought of someone wanting more than friendship occurs. But, surprisingly, this boy was able to break through a few of my barriers. It was fun. It was nerve-wracking. It was chaotic and so annoying. But I stayed. I stayed, but he did not. For a month I beat myself up about why so abruptly did things pan out the way they did, until finally he told me….
I’m not perfect. No one is ever going to be perfect. But a majority are in relationships or have been in at least one serious relationship. I’m in the minority that hasn’t. What does that really say about me?
Notes
